


But you didn't

by life_not_knife



Category: SHINee
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 19:29:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8909158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/life_not_knife/pseuds/life_not_knife
Summary: ‘Kibum recalls all of the times Jinki was there for him and then that one time, when things were different.’





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally submitted as part of the colorful shinee fic fest here:
> 
> http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1201920/6/colorful-world-round-2-submissions-jonghyun-key-minho-onew-shinee-taemin-kai
> 
> Title: But you didn’t  
> Author: Life_Not_Knife  
> Pairing: Onkey  
> Rating: NC-17  
> Warning: Sexual themes, mentions of death.  
> Genre: Angst, fluff, smut.  
> Summary: ‘Kibum recalls all of the times Jinki was there for him and then that one time, when things were different.’  
> Word Count: 3009

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Kibum sits motionless on the sofa, his ears listening as footsteps grow closer, trainers squeaking on the tiled floor outside their apartment from the lashing rain outside. The squeaking halts and he hears as the man ruffles around in his bag for his keys before the distinct noise of metal against metal grinds – almost in slow motion – as Kibum’s heart rate increases and the front door opens. A clattering sound of keys hitting the side table is what resonates next, before he sees Jinki’s looming figure standing at the entrance to the living room, not expecting to see his boyfriend sat silently on the sofa.

“Is everything okay?” The older man asks, and Kibum fiddles with his hands restlessly.

“Jinx, I…uhm… it was an accident and I’m sorry. I borrowed your new car to go into the city and do some shopping and… when I was reversing I caught it on one of the large yellow bollards and dented the back. I’ll pay for it, I promise… when I save up enough. I’m just really, really sorry Jinx.” Kibum explains, his head spinning from all the thoughts racing through them. His eyes scan Jinki’s features for a sign of anger or upset. Instead they end up searching for mere recognition, as if his boyfriend hadn’t quite grasped the severity of the situation.

“That’s alright, just pay for it when you can. So, I brought chicken for dinner, are you hungry?” Jinki’s face splits into a smile as he raises the chicken in the white plastic bag to wave it in a celebratory fashion.

**_I thought you’d kill me, but you didn’t._ **

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The music is loud and the open bar calls both men to it like an oasis in the desert. The drinks flow down their arid throats one after the other and before Kibum knows it, the grand hall is spinning in time to the bass that pumps and shudders through his bones and deep into his heart, making him feel like the vital organ will drop out of his body and onto the gleaming, white, marble floor.

Jinki had received a promotion only a month ago and now his company are hosting their usual annual party in celebration of the staff who are retiring and those who have been promoted.

The night is long and happy, Kibum and Jinki both as intoxicated as each other and fully enjoying some much needed relief from the stresses of work and everyday life. As they walk the streets back to their apartment, Jinki is whispering into Kibum’s ear with a deep, gravelly voice.

“When we get home, I’m going to bend you over the new sofa so nice. I’m going to take you over and over until neither of us can move from exhaustion.” A hot, moist breath hits the sensitive shell of Kibum’s ear and he feels a fire burning within him, their steps increasing in pace but their inebriated states somewhat detracting from the haste they are trying to build.

They’re almost home when Kibum spots it just up the street.

“Jinx, baby, look.” Kibum points a lithe finger at the pink illuminated sign.

“Pie? Really, Kibum it’s 3am and you want pastries?” Jinki looks at him with a baffled expression.

“Yeah, look, they have a strawberry one…please? Imagine how nice I’m going to taste covered in strawberry jam.” Kibum teases as he whispers close to his boyfriend’s lips. Jinki doesn’t reply but he swallows deeply and tugs his boyfriend along by the hand in the direction of the illuminated, pink neon.

 

“Oh my god, this pie is amazing! Why have I never noticed that place before?” He turns to look at Jinki only to see his boyfriend’s dark expression as he drags one finger through the tacky strawberry compote. The younger watches with laboured breath as his boyfriend’s thick, sticky finger comes to line his lips, making them look abundant and glossy.

From that moment forward the atmosphere is hot, heavy and lust-filled as they both devour each other against the copious amounts of viscous, fruity glue that threatens to send them into an early sugar grave.

That is, until Jinki is finally admiring his boyfriend’s milky thighs pushed against the back of the black leather sofa and his thrusts erratic and needy, when – almost out of nowhere but looking back on it, quite obvious really – Kibum is retching and he can feel the remnants of strawberry rising back up his oesophagus before he vomits over the new couch and onto the plush white carpet, staining it pink with the pie he just ‘had to have.’

He freezes with bated breath for the repercussions but instead finds himself laid on the now-cleaned sofa with a bucket beside his head and Jinki running a bowl of hot, bleach water to scrub the carpet. His boyfriend offers a light peck to his forehead before he drifts into an exhausted slumber.

**_I thought you’d hate me, but you didn’t._ **

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“Come on Jinx pleaaaseee??” Kibum stomps his foot petulantly and uses both of his hands to tug on his boyfriend’s arm.

“Fine, fine. I’m warning you though, the weather forecast said it was supposed to rain and you hate getting wet.” Jinki concedes as his face reluctantly breaks into a small smile at the happiness on Kibum’s own features. The older of the two stands by and watches as the younger man scurries around the apartment like an excited child on Christmas morning, as he gathers a blanket and some food amongst other things.

The drive is long and arduous but at least the traffic isn’t bad, given the time of year and the barely risen sun. Jinki taps on the steering wheel lightly, drumming a rhythm to the summer tunes emitting from Kibum’s ultimate playlist. The songs speak of fun in the sun, paddling of feet in the sea and tanned, firm bodies dancing the days away with cool beverages and junk food. The reality surrounding the sleek, black vehicle however is as far away from that illusion as possible. Dark clouds circle in the sky, moving swiftly with the intense wind and the heated seats of the car show just how chilly the weather is outside. Regardless of this, Kibum is still in high spirits and that is enough for Jinki as he turns up the dial and sings along to the sounds of summer; the vehicle continuing its journey down the highway, the dent still there with scrapings of yellow surrounding the impression.

The blanket is laid out, porcelain bowls set atop it (well thought through by Kibum given the paper plates would blow away in this extreme wind) and a large thermos flask sits at the corner, its weight also serving to hold the blanket from the grasping fingers of the gust.

“This is nice” Kibum speaks as he holds both hands firmly around the side of the mug, revelling in the heat of the soup he had poured a few moments prior. Jinki sits beside him, cross legged and palms mirroring the younger, grasping at the ceramic cup.

“It is” the reply comes easily from chapped, wind bitten lips. Jinki’s hair is askew and blowing in all directions as he places his cup to the side before tugging his thick, woolly jumper down under his bum to stop the wind from creeping it’s ghostly fingers up his sensitive spine.

“And you said it was going to rain” Kibum points out with a snigger and Jinki shuffles over to nuzzle into Kibum’s side for both comfort and warmth. The younger male then places his mug down also, bringing their freezing cold noses together before their lips meet in a soft and loving kiss. They are both grinning when they pull slightly apart and the feline eyed man feels a cold moisture on his cheek for just a moment. Immediately his face morphs into a frown as he pulls back further to look into the angry, black clouds. “Is it – ” he begins, only to be cut off by the increasing speed and number of droplets that are now clearly falling from the sky.

By the time they scramble to their feet, tugging on the blanket, loading up the bowls and running for the car, Jinki’s hair is plastered to his forehead and Kibum is of equal sogginess. He pauses, looking into the elder’s eyes, expecting those four words but instead, Jinki hands him a towel from his gym bag.

**_I thought you’d say, “I told you so!”, but you didn’t._ **

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Kibum paces across the carpet, he is furious and hurt and nothing makes sense anymore. Sure, they have argued before. Fallen out, made up, became stronger. As all couples do, but for some reason, he couldn’t let this go. Why was Jinki spending so much time with _him_? Okay, the man was a new client, with a _lot_ of money, but that didn’t mean his boyfriend should spend every waking minute with the man and ignore him. Kibum doesn’t like to be ignored. Fact.

So it comes as no surprise that he does what he does. The business party is in full swing. His boyfriend’s hand is glued to Choi Minho’s shoulder as they walk the floor; shaking hands with more influential people, laughing, joking, smiling and unbeknownst to them, waking up the green eyed monster inside of Kim Kibum. So he takes this opportunity to do some ‘networking’ of his own. He saunters around the room, his eyes dragging slowly across the bodies he encounters. Men, women, it doesn’t matter, what matters is that Jinki’s eyes are once again trained on him. Harmless flirting really, get Jinki’s attention, that’s all it is.

Until Jinki spots Kibum with Lee Taemin. An old friend who is too close for comfort on normal occasions but as the older man watches Kibum’s hand drop across a broad shoulder and down, down, down to rest just above the youngest man’s behind – he snaps. Firm fingers are gripping Kibum’s lithe wrist with force as he pulls him roughly into the empty bathroom down the corridor.

“Ouch, Jinx – what are you doing?” Kibum grimaces at the pressure on his wrist and immediately feels his boyfriend’s grip loosen.

“What are _you_ doing?” Jinki seethes, his face stony and cold and it sends a wave of panic through Kibum because he hasn’t seen this look on his face since high school.

“I…I just wanted your attention. You’re spending so much time with Minho that I felt – I felt…” Kibum trails off, his voice lighter and apologetic.

“Well, congratulations Kibum, you got my attention.” Jinki spits, his eyes still hard and piercing.

The younger stands stock still, he waits – watching as his boyfriend turns to leave – watching as the one man he loves walks out of his life forever.

“Here…” Jinki says with a sigh as he turns back around, a tissue between his fingers. The puzzled look on Kibum’s face forces a “…you’re crying” in a way of explanation as the younger man hesitantly takes the tissue.

“I’m sorry” Kibum sniffles out between wiping his eyes and blowing his nose.

“I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to neglect you so much – especially at a party that you probably didn’t even want to attend in the first place.” Jinki says with a light chuckle as he realises just how boring these things must be to Kibum, but the younger always agrees to go anyway (after a fair amount of whining of course).

**_I thought you’d leave me, but you didn’t._ **

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

To Jinx: Hey, so I’m held up at work so I will go straight from here okay. Meet outside the town hall at 7.30pm? :) xoxo

To Bummie: Ok, see you there. Love you. XxxX <3

Kibum stands on the stairs, his hair slicked back and eyes lined with a subtle kohl. Smart dress pants taper down to his thin ankles and polished shoes. A crisp white shirt fits snugly to his shapely torso and the black jacket keeps out the chill of the night.

“Hey…” Jinki stands before the younger man, panting from running up the stairs, looking nervous and apprehensive. “…by any chance, am I underdressed?” He finishes, looking down at his own black skinny jeans and a simple long sleeved white pullover. His heavy black boots and leather jacket scream ‘hot’ to Kibum’s still shocked mind before he processes the question fully in his head.

“Oh my god. Jinx, I’m so sorry. I forgot to tell you it was a formal event.” Kibum gushes with a heartfelt apology.

“Not only that, you called it ‘just a little dance party.’ Where on earth is this dance anyway?” Jinki frowns.

“I only called it that so that you would say yes and because it’s not really that big of a deal, it’s just a small award. Oh and, uhm… it’s in the town hall.” Kibum gestures backwards with his thumb.

“Great, so this ‘little dance party’ is actually in the grand ballroom?” Jinki’s index fingers rise to massage his temples, he can’t believe this is happening. His boyfriend is being honoured for his contributions to the latest fashion label and he turns up, dressed ready for a night on the town. In hindsight, he should have gathered really – given that the award is pretty prestigious. “Also, of course I would have come regardless of what it was, I’m proud of you.” Jinki adds as he sees the still mortified and apologetic look on his boyfriend’s face.

“I’m sorry. I’ll just…you can go home and, I’ll head home after I pick up my award. It’s starting in five minutes.” He can see the disappointment in the younger’s eyes though. He says it is a small award but Jinki knows it means the world to his boyfriend.

“What are you talking about? We’d better hurry up and get seated then. There is no way I am letting you go in there alone and there is no way I am missing this.” Jinki supplies and the dumbfounded expression makes the elder chuckle.

“B-but, won’t everyone be staring at you? You can’t do that for me Jinx. I’ll be fine really…” He trails off and Jinki knows he won’t. He needs someone with him, he can’t give a speech to a bunch of strangers without Jinki being there.

“Shut up and go inside. Unless of course, you’re ashamed to be seen with me in this outfit?” Jinki teases.

“What! No! You could… you could walk in there naked for all I care!” He defends vehemently.

“Well you know…” The elder leans in close to Kibum’s sensitive ear “…that could be arranged.” He pulls back and smirks at the rattled look in the younger’s eyes.

“Oh be quiet and come on then.” Kibum replies and takes Jinki’s larger hand in his own.

**_I thought you’d abandon me, but you didn’t._ **

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Kibum stands there, tears in his eyes and his hand waving frantically as the love of his life disappears behind the metal fence. A loud buzzer sounds, signalling the closing of the gate and Jinki turns, his face splitting into a mega-watt grin before he pokes out his tongue and offers a cheeky wink at his boyfriend.

The younger is left standing there, family members of the boys and men who have also left, begin to evacuate the area slowly. He is rooted to the spot though as his mind begins making a list of all the things Jinki didn’t do. He didn’t abandon him when he needed him most. He didn’t leave when things got tough. He didn’t say ‘I told you so!’ When Kibum was wrong. He didn’t hate him when things went wrong and he didn’t kill him when he created a problem. There were lots of things that Jinki didn’t do but there were so many things that he did do.

He loved Kibum unconditionally. He supported him in times of need. He gave him a shoulder to cry on. He protected him, adored him and made him laugh at the bad times and cry at the good. He kept him strong, kept him sane and kept him safe.

As Kibum finally walks away from the metal fence, he vows to make it up to him. He smiles brightly as he makes a list of all the things he will do to show his boyfriend how much he appreciates him.

**_There were lots and lots of things I wanted to make up to you, when you returned from serving our country, but you didn’t._ **

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Kibum sits motionless in the pews, his ears listening as footsteps drift away, dress shoes clacking on the concrete floor and the sound of the lashing rain outside echoes inside the church walls.

He thinks of the list. He thinks of the plans he had already set in motion. Two months, is all Jinki had left of his mandatory service. Kibum’s fingers smooth over the felt box in the right pocket of his blazer. Jinki’s smiling face, framed and lined with black and white ribbons, looks back at him from its place atop the oak coffin. The Korean flag drapes down beneath, a symbol of Jinki’s service to his nation. He feels hollowness, his tears dried out. Empty condolences still ringing in his head. He stands gingerly, wincing at the sound of his feet upon the concrete floor as he walks forwards and places the velvet box beside the picture frame. He opens it; two beautiful silver bands shining back under the lights of the alter.

_‘To my husband…’ it reads on the small card inside the box ‘…the light of my life and the greatest man I have ever known. I love you with all my heart. Always, Kibum xoxo.’_

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, commets etc.. would all be greatly apprecitated.
> 
> Sorry (Not sorry) for the angst!
> 
> Xx L xX


End file.
